These therapy sessions are all new to me. I have experienced many emotional and mental issues before, but this is the first time I consulted a professional. I don’t entirely believe in the logic of telling a stranger your worries and fears because I respect my right to privacy and need for specific aid. But since the whole process is somewhat the same as confiding to a friend, I thought maybe I could give it a try.
My reason for seeking professional help is due to the worsening symptoms of my anxiety and depression. At first, I thought it was all in my mind and that I can get over it in no time. Unfortunately, the severity of my mental health already escalated and is now ruining all aspects of my life.
How It All Began
It started a couple of weeks ago when I was at work when I suddenly feel ill. I didn’t know what I did after that, but I feel light-headed and dizzy. The next thing I know is that I woke up in the office clinic and asked the attendant what had happened to me. She said I fainted and that my officemates immediately brought me to the office’s clinic. I was certain that it was not something alarming. But for the sake of my peace of mind, I went to see a doctor.
On the day of the check-up, while the doctor was examining me, he asked me what I felt before I fainted. I said I was dizzy and everything around me was blurry. He advised me to go for a second opinion and do an overall check-up to get a diagnosis. He said I should seek medical assistance before any permanent damage occurs.
A couple of blood test was made, and things seemed fine. But then, when it comes to the sensory check-up, I discovered that I am having a problem with my vision. My doctor said I have glaucoma, which is an eye disorder that damages optic nerves. It’s a condition that, when not treated immediately, can lead to vision loss and permanent blindness.
The eye doctor explained to me that visual loss caused by glaucoma could progress quickly. I never told him about the discomfort and pain I endured weeks ago. Knowing that I am suffering from an eye disorder, everything becomes a slow process. I began to connect the dots and realized why I usually had those blurry and dim visions way back a couple of months ago, But I just totally shrug it off.
What Makes My Condition So Depressing
Truthfully, I never entirely imagine that I would encounter an eye problem. I thought it was just stress and lack of sleep that affects my vision. Sadly, the doctor said that my condition is already severe and that I am dealing with an acute angle-closure Glaucoma. It is the state where the liquid mass inside my eye rises quickly. That explains why I often have problems with a red eye, severe eye pain, and reduced or blurred vision.
Now, here’s the unfortunate catch. The damage caused by glaucoma is irreversible. I never experienced early symptoms or pain, so I never noticed it to be this bad. Though it is a slow-progressing disease of the eye, it can develop into blindness within several years. The doctor said I might probably experience a continued blurry vision over time, and eventually, I might entirely become unable to see.
It is not that I don’t understand what was going on with me because I genuinely do. I know what my condition is, and I am aware of the possibility of losing my eyesight over the next few years. But despite my effort of accepting the situation, I still get terrified about what the future holds. Even if I can convince myself today that I will be okay, I knew that I would never be able to accept my unfortunate fate. I think I would not make it alone on my own.
I can’t envision how my life would be years from now when I won’t be able to see my friend and family. I won’t be able to care for myself and probably depend on someone for the rest of my life. It would become difficult for me to do the activities I enjoy and love the most. I would soon give up reading, driving, cooking, and even socializing with other people. And that’s the way how it will go.
Right now, I need a support system that would stick with me through these unfortunate instances. I feel like I shouldn’t be left alone when I am in my most vulnerable state. I am emotionally and mentally drained, and I just want my loved ones to constantly tell me that things will be okay.