These therapy sessions are all new to me. I have experienced many emotional and mental issues before, but this is the first time I consulted a professional. I don’t entirely believe in the logic of telling a stranger your worries and fears because I respect my right to privacy and need for specific aid. But since the whole process is somewhat the same as confiding to a friend, I thought maybe I could give it a try.
My reason for seeking professional help is due to the worsening symptoms of my anxiety and depression. At first, I thought it was all in my mind and that I can get over it in no time. Unfortunately, the severity of my mental health already escalated and is now ruining all aspects of my life.
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How It All Began
It started a couple of weeks ago when I was at work when I suddenly feel ill. I didn’t know what I did after that, but I feel light-headed and dizzy. The next thing I know is that I woke up in the office clinic and asked the attendant what had happened to me. She said I fainted and that my officemates immediately brought me to the office’s clinic. I was certain that it was not something alarming. But for the sake of my peace of mind, I went to see a doctor.
On the day of the check-up, while the doctor was examining me, he asked me what I felt before I fainted. I said I was dizzy and everything around me was blurry. He advised me to go for a second opinion and do an overall check-up to get a diagnosis. He said I should seek medical assistance before any permanent damage occurs.
A couple of blood test was made, and things seemed fine. But then, when it comes to the sensory check-up, I discovered that I am having a problem with my vision. My doctor said I have glaucoma, which is an eye disorder that damages optic nerves. It’s a condition that, when not treated immediately, can lead to vision loss and permanent blindness.
The eye doctor explained to me that visual loss caused by glaucoma could progress quickly. I never told him about the discomfort and pain I endured weeks ago. Knowing that I am suffering from an eye disorder, everything becomes a slow process. I began to connect the dots and realized why I usually had those blurry and dim visions way back a couple of months ago, But I just totally shrug it off.
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What Makes My Condition So Depressing
Truthfully, I never entirely imagine that I would encounter an eye problem. I thought it was just stress and lack of sleep that affects my vision. Sadly, the doctor said that my condition is already severe and that I am dealing with an acute angle-closure Glaucoma. It is the state where the liquid mass inside my eye rises quickly. That explains why I often have problems with a red eye, severe eye pain, and reduced or blurred vision.
Now, here’s the unfortunate catch. The damage caused by glaucoma is irreversible. I never experienced early symptoms or pain, so I never noticed it to be this bad. Though it is a slow-progressing disease of the eye, it can develop into blindness within several years. The doctor said I might probably experience a continued blurry vision over time, and eventually, I might entirely become unable to see.
It is not that I don’t understand what was going on with me because I genuinely do. I know what my condition is, and I am aware of the possibility of losing my eyesight over the next few years. But despite my effort of accepting the situation, I still get terrified about what the future holds. Even if I can convince myself today that I will be okay, I knew that I would never be able to accept my unfortunate fate. I think I would not make it alone on my own.
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Final Thoughts
I can’t envision how my life would be years from now when I won’t be able to see my friend and family. I won’t be able to care for myself and probably depend on someone for the rest of my life. It would become difficult for me to do the activities I enjoy and love the most. I would soon give up reading, driving, cooking, and even socializing with other people. And that’s the way how it will go.
Right now, I need a support system that would stick with me through these unfortunate instances. I feel like I shouldn’t be left alone when I am in my most vulnerable state. I am emotionally and mentally drained, and I just want my loved ones to constantly tell me that things will be okay.